Let's Talk About Our Feelings

The Dodo’s - Winter

This is neither the first or last time that I have fallen back on finding something to feel in the coldness. It always gets cold just in time for it to be fitting that I tremble as I walk towards my car. Like a kind of clockwork. I don’t ever blame anyone but myself, and it’s hard not to just resolve that it is meant to be this way. But I really do hope it is not meant to be this way.

Tallest Man on Earth - Like The Wheel

Here’s to learning to live with leaning long on longing and letting everything lost to last chances slip into the cold thinness of this October air. Here’s to knowing now that I never was or ever will be tall enough to make you look up to me. Here’s to finally being free, of all that heavy handed hope. Here’s to being free of all those goddamned dreams. 

Elysian Fields - We’re in Love

Hours consecutively bleeding into hours. Breathing in and holding deeply and deeper still onto hope. And the spring time nights come along and tug these months out into a warmer summer air making sidewalks stay hot till late into the night. Curbs begging for confessions while sat staring at the dead stars. And in those morning moments before you wake, I spend patiently content, your light breath slips from your dreaming, and I - am feeling sound.

The Flaming Lips - Moth in The Incubator

How else is it supposed to be? I’ve been at it so long that I don’t know if I’m being honest with myself anymore. Some sweeping pattern or bias of nature carried me in like driftwood in the tide, and dropped me on your door step, so open to possibility, so lost.

Hella - Biblical Violence

They call it free falling, because there’s nothing holding you up, but something is pulling you down. You can’t escape it, there’s nothing free about a fall. With that in mind, how many of our fallings are the result of some great uncontrollable force? I imagine that it is less than we like to claim. There are not that many unexpected coincidences, happy or unhappy, and so much of what we do is driven by balancing our curiosity and desire with our insight and fears. Then we make our bed and lay in it. This hardly qualifies as a fall.

Yves Montand - Rue St Vincent

And the longing starts to creep in, begging for some change in the season. The hot summer air only makes you tired, the long days and short nights leave you sleepless. Each month drags it’s heels in the steady progression towards the end of the year. Avoiding retroactive pondering, instead gazing just out the window, watching a breeze move through trees, waiting for the first leaf to fall.

Young People - Dutch Oven

What is it exactly about those twilight hours caught in the dangerous limbo between the latest of nights and the earliest morning? It must be something about how the transition feels so much like being caught in a passing thought, held there for a few hours, unfocused. And while sinking below the surface level and staring up through the water, shapes are being obscured by weight and color and light. Morning comes, like an ascension, towards resurrection.

Spoonboy - California

If you had told me that home would become the elusive pot of gold as soon as I set foot towards one end or another of this fading rainbow I still would have left. Because maybe I like it that way, hunting hope instead of hiding from familiarity. And feet are tired, and maybe my face looks long, and my back is sore, and yes my heart is heavier than before… But oh to be free, even if it’s only free to choose which bars I sleep behind, instead of letting some other thing hold my key.

The Gaslight Anthem - Here’s Looking At You, Kid

When did years become so much less than a unit of time? No longer a significant benchmark, overshadowed by long term goals and the slow shift of emotion and perspective. Weeks are an exercise in perseverance, and months roll under foot like a treadmill. Walking in place, waiting to step off.

Sixteen Horsepower - American Wheeze

The dust and ash has settled on everything and that thick red blanket obscures the sun stretched slowly from the south. And is it Terrifying? Is it beautiful? Dangerous, strange, disgusting,  and amazing. The humbling force of the spark.